Artist Statement:

It is hard to explain this image.  I know what it means but whether I’m willing to explain it fully is another matter.  I suppose what I’m willing to say is that I’m in a very dark place.  On the surface I’m burnt out, I’m tired; I’m stressed to a degree I haven’t been in a very long time.  Underneath I’m a tangle of even darker emotions that I struggle to keep in check every day.  My image struggles to express this just as I struggle to deal with everything.  I reach out from the darkness, yet in the darkness, and made of darkness.  I reach out in a position that expresses hope yet a tangled mass of death and darkness is all that comes regardless of my intentions.  The quote at the top comes from an old neo-pagan book which deals with one’s “shadow self.”  It discusses the wisdom that can come from examining the darkness.  It is both apropos and ironic since, if there is wisdom (symbolized by the galaxies and stars) in the dark, I haven’t found it yet, or at least it's not reflected in my behavior.  I’ve only found a tangled mess, which bursts forth at inopportune and inappropriate ways and times.  There is more to the image but that's all I'm really willing to divulge about it or put into it I guess. If I really put myself into one of these self portraits fully, I wouldn't be able to show it you now that I stop to really think about it. I suppose that's why they are always my weakest work (not that any of my work this semester will be strong, if it is ever again). 

Additional Notes:

This is not exactly my "best work."  My digital skills have eroded horribly since I enrolled at GMU.  I used to use Photoshop daily, for hours on end for video game textures for a couple of years prior to enrolling at GMU.  I dabbled in digital art right around the time I enrolled to try and increase my skills. Being here hasn't exactly been a challenge to me so my skills have atrophied.  When I said I was burnt out, that was like the understatement of the millennia.  What I wrote about this piece initially included the phrase "derivative dribble." I suppose it isn't horrible but it certainly isn't winning any awards.  It was no where near what I originally intended to do but my original vision was so far beyond my skill set that it was pointless to even try to gain the skills in time.  The motivation to do so, plainly speaking, got up and left long with any creativity I might have possessed.  I did not intend for the quote to be easily readable btw. 

What's  in the Image:

My object was "darkness."  Using the help of my husband I took photos of my hands in full-length black satin gloves against a black fabric backdrop (this was really hard for many reasons).   The other parts of the image are 3D renders of trees from Daz Studio, various brushes to form the curls & star fields. 

Completed:  February 2011